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Showing posts with label Facebook Status. Show all posts

Free Newspaper Headlines Facebook Status Massages




Newspaper Headlines Facebook Status

Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it. Now let me go.
Mubarak has changed his Egypt dictatorship status to 'It's complicated'
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git".
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"... well, swine flu.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
The worst thing about calling in sick today is not being able to post last night's rage fest pictures until this weekend.
Another mass bird death except this time it's a whole flock of Seahawks in Chicago.
Queen Elizabeth is now on Facebook, I've always wanted to poke a queen.
I wrote "My Parking Spot" in chalk at one of the spots in my school parking lot to see what happens. No one has parked there for a week :)
I find life is better if I live every day like it's your last.
the best stalkers stand behind their work.
Dear NASA, Your mom thought I was big enough. Sincerely, Pluto.
Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger
George Bush published a book? I bet it's a picture book
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly.
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Most Liked Facebook Status Massages 1




Most Liked Facebook Status Massages

Just realized: "Google before you status update" is the new "think before you speak."
Does anyone really "Laugh Out Loud" when they write LOL?
People who gossip with you, most likely gossip about you.
If anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us.
I just sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellant. Now, he'll never have any friends.
My teacher always is talking to her imaginary friend named "Class".
Dear Facebook, I can't believe you still haven't gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.
Being single doesn't mean you know nothing about love. Sometimes, its wiser to be alone than with the wrong person.
I looked up "thesaurus" in my thesaurus and it says "Don't be a smart-ass".
3 words, 8 letters, 3 syllables, 5 vowels, 3 consonants, 2 nouns, 1 emotion, many meanings, a big lie, a rare truth: I LOVE YOU !
Whenever I delete an App on my iPhone, The shaking icons make me feel like they're all panicked over who's getting deleted.
I fall, I rise, I make mistakes, I live, I learn, I've been hurt but I'm alive. I'm human, I'm not perfect but I'm thankful.
Dear iTunes, Please realize that when I put you on "shuffle", I mean "play all of my favorite songs". Sincerely, skip... skip... skip...
Facebook should get a "I don't even know you" button, for the people who like to try to add people they don`t know.
No one can promise they'll never hurt you, because at one time or another they will. The real promise is if the time you spent together will be worth the pain in the end.
It doesn't matter what other people think about you. The only thing that matters is that you are happy with who you are.
Why cant they make the whole week out of Saturdays?
The past is history, the future is a mystery, today is a gift...thats why they call it the "present"!
There will be always that one teacher asking you a question and your friend next to you whispering the answer.
Grudges are a waste of perfect happiness. Laugh when you can, apologize when you should & let go of what you can't change.
Your life is a book; don’t jump to the end to see if it’s worth it. Just enjoy life and fill those pages with beautiful memories.
That awkward moment when you get tagged in a photo on a night, at a place that you said you weren't...
♥ Love me now ♥ Love me never ♥ But if You Love Me ♥ Love me Forever ♥
You wanna know who's amazing & has the cutest smile ever? Read the first word again :)
┣▇f͟͞a͟͞c͟͞e͟͞b͟͞o͟͞o͟͞k͟͞▇▇═─™ This drug is very efficient for cases of chronic boredom. Extra doses can lead to addiction
That awkward moment when you don't know if you should hold the door for someone or not.
Don't leave something good to see if you can find better, because once you realize you had the best, the best found better.
I'm not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat... :D
The awkward moment when you get into one little fight and your mum gets scared and makes you move in with your auntie and uncle in Bel-air.
Boys insult each other, but they really don't mean it. Girls compliment each other but they don't mean it either.
That awkward moment when you say goodbye to someone and you end up walking in the same direction. The best 2 days of school are always the first and the last.
▶Music♩♪♫♬ Volume: ▁ ▂ ▃ ▄ ▅ ▆ █ 100 %
That Awkward Moment When your crush asks you, “Who do you like?”
If people could read my mind, I'd get punched in the face a lot.
That awkward moment, where theres an awkward moment, and everyone knows it's an awkward moment, then somebody says, "AWWWKKKKWAAARRDD!"
That awkward moment when you have to make up an excuse to not hang out with someone because you'd rather chill at home.
Flies are everywhere, unfortunately the second I grab the fly swatter, they turn into ninjas.
That awkward moment when someone isn't txting you back and then you see them update their status from mobile...
The biggest mistake I have made in my life is letting people stay in my life far longer than they deserve...
That awkward moment when someone you don't know adds you on Facebook and they message you asking who you are. B*tch, you added me!
I think i have a serious problem---Today I was reading the newspaper and found myself looking for the "Like" button.
The awkward moment when you understand something after the test.
People think I'm in a bad mood just because I'm being quiet.
I am NOT single, and I am NOT taken. I'm simply on reserve for the one who REALLY deserves to have my heart..
I don't make typos. I make new words.
I hate when its quiet and your eating something crunchy.
Most relationships fail not because of absence of love; but because girls love too much & boys love too many.
The awkward moment when you're singing really loudly to a song and then someone changes it without warning.
Don't feel special I only keep your number in my phone so I know not to answer when you call.
That awkward moment when you post a funny status on Facebook and someone has to ruin it by commenting being all serious!
Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notifications.
▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄▼ ◄ ▲ ► ▼ ◄ ▲ Sorry, I just dropped my bag of Doritos.
The awkward moment when someone walks in on you singing to yourself.
I like talking to myself, answering myself, and laughing at my own jokes.
The awkward moment when someone says something to you for the fifth time and you still don’t know what they said.
Dear Heart, Please stop getting involved in everything. Your job is to pump blood, that's it.
I turned my phone onto "Airplane mode" and threw it up into the air. Worst. Transformer. Ever.
"LOL" is the new way of saying "I really have nothing to say."
People think I'm in a bad mood just because I'm being quiet.
The awkward moment when someone catches you staring at them.
That awkward moment when the guy who discovered milk had to explain what he was doing to the cow...
The awkward moment when you’ve already said “what?” three times and still have no idea what the person said, so you just agree.
Our phones fall, we panic. Our friends fall, we laugh.
The awkward moment when someone's zipper is down & you don't know whether to tell, because you can't explain why you were looking that low.
Yea, I end a Facebook conversation by hitting the (LIKE) button on the last comment.
3 things I want in a relationship: Eyes that wont cry, lips than wont lie, and love that wont die. ♥
LIKE if you hate when someone tags you in a horrible picture.
That awkward moment when you can't stop laughing while telling a joke and when your finally done your friends doesn't even get it.
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Most Liked Facebook Status Massages 2




The awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it octopus.
Hey, I found your Nose, it was in my business again.
That awkward moment when sarcasm doesn’t work in a text..
The awkward moment when you're late for class, and when you walk in, everyone stares at you like you killed someone.
"Who's that?" "What are they doing?" "What's happening?" ; "Shut the hell up and watch the movie".
LIKE if you always wonder if someone, somewhere is doing the same exact thing as you are.
LIKE if you do this: Waking up and checking your Facebook like its the morning paper.
LIKE IF:Losing your phone in your blanket, then having to throw the blanket around until it falls out.
"Dad I'm hungry." "Nice to meet you hungry!" "Dad, I'm serious..." "I thought you were hungry?" "Are you kidding?!" "No, I'm Dad."
Today I went on thesaurus.com & searched “ninjas”. The computer told me “Ninjas cannot be found”. Well played, ninjas, well played.
The awkward moment when you check the price tag… and sadly, go away.
Dear life. When I asked if my day could get worse it was a rhetorical question not a challenge.
fri(END] , boyfri(END] , girlfri(END] Everything has an END , exept for fam(ILY] .
Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.
Just because I don't talk to you, or text you first, doesn't mean I don't miss you. I'm just waiting for you to miss me.
The awkward moment when someone brings up an embarrassing moment from your past that you do not wish to be reminded of.
That awkward moment when someone spells your name wrong on Facebook even though your name is RIGHT THERE!
That awkward moment when your dancing, then you turn around & you realize someone has been watching you the WHOLE time.
The awkward moment when the person you like is online and you just open the chat window but don't know what to say.
LIKE IF: You sat down to check Facebook real quick and...an hour later, you're still here.
The fact that music can induce goosebumps, draw a tear, inspire, and connect is one of my favorite parts of being a human.
The awkward moment when you think you're talking to your friend but then realize you're talking to a stranger beside you.
True: This is just Facebook, and not English class, but Damn can some of y'all at least type so we can understand what you're trying to say?
Talking louder does not make you any less wrong.
Don't underestimate the power of stupid people in large numbers
I ignore texts. I let the phone ring. It's nothing personal, but some people need to realize that sometimes I don't feel like talking.
That awkward moment when the dentist asks you a question while their whole hand is shoved in your mouth.
Oh so now I'm invisible to you? That's cool. I've always wanted a superpower.
The awkward moment when you open a birthday card and there's no money in it.
Our generation doesn’t knock on doors. We will call or text to let you know we’re outside.
When someone smells nice, it automatically makes them more attractive.
LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is ツ
Did you know? Its impossible to say "Good Eye Might" without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried :)
LIKE if you have like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complain that you have no clothes...
The awkward moment when you're at your friends house and your friend is getting yelled at so you just stand there and pet the dog.
Unwritten Facebook rule #5 : If that person isn’t in the photo, don’t tag them.
They're called "skinny jeans" not "make you skinny jeans".
Going to: ❒ Paris ❒ New York ❒ London ✔ KITCHEN, I'm hungry.
The awkward moment when halfway through telling a story you realize it is pointless.
That awkward moment when your mother compares you to another kid and she has no idea how much worse they are than you.
Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?
A boy gave a girl 13 roses, 12 were real, one was fake,then the boy said to the girl, I will love you till the last rose dies.
Perfect people aren't real, and real people aren't perfect. So you can either love people for their flaws, or hate them because they're real.
Never chase love, affection, or attention. If it isn't given freely by another person, it isn't worth having.
That awkward moment after you pour your cereal into the bowl thinking you have milk... only to realize you don't have milk at all.
What Is FACEBOOK ? . . . . It's a place where a Guy posts a joke, he gets No Response... and if a Girl posts the same Joke, She gets 150 Likes, 300 Comments & 60 Friends Requests.
My alarm clock is jealous of the relationship I have with my bed. It always try to wake me up!
Facebook = Heavily populated city. Twitter = Just a vacation spot. Myspace = A ghost town.

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Free Like If Facebook Status Massages




Like If Facebook Status

* I love you * * No you don`t !! I love you more * * No, I love you more * LIKE if you ever had this argument :)
LIKE if you`re in that moment when your phone falls out of your hand and you don`t care if it gets scratched up anymore
Like if your parents ask you to do something and you tell them you`ll do it in ten minutes then you never do it.
LIKE IF:Practicing your signature over and over again just in case you become famous.
LIKE IF: When I wake up in the middle of the night, I check my phone.
LIKE IF:When I Was Little I thought the shape of my heart was actually ♥
LIKE if you had a super busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. ;)
LIKE If you text someone to say you are outside their house instead of knocking.
like this if you are ready for summer!
LIKE if you sometimes want to escape away from all the drama in your life
LIKE if you`re in that moment when your phone falls out of your hand and you don`t care if it gets scratched up anymore
LIKE IF:I walk into a room, forget what I need, I walk out, and then remember.
LIKE IF: You walked into your room and you forgot what you wanted.
LIKE IF:My cell phone is my watch, camera, flashlight, calculator, iPod & so much more.
LIKE IF: Covering your eyes during scary movies. But watching it through your fingers.
LIKE IF: Not reading instructions and attempting to figure it out by yourself.
LIKE IF:Looking at your best friend and laughing uncontrollably for no reason
LIKE if you`ve ever had someone talk to you for a long time that you start to day-dream.
Say this fast- { I M 2 6 C 4 U } *Like* if you get it
LIKE if you like when people remember the smallest details about you :)
LIKE if you are Changing the word because you can`t spell the word you wanted to use.
Saying the exact same thing at the same time as your best friend.
LIKE IF: I still laugh when everyone else is over it.
LIKE if you hate the annoying sticky spot on the water bottle after ripping the paper off.
Trying to finish a dream by going back to sleep!
Like this if you wanna know the truth (:
LIKE IF: Taking one last sip of my drink right before leaving a restaurant.
Like if you need a vacation!
LIKE if you LOVE getting hugged from behind. <3 data-blogger-escaped-hr=""> saying "LOL" when you find something funny in real life
LIKE if you have ever pushed a door that said pull.
Like if you`re a ninja!
Like if your Bestfriends name starts with, A,B,C,J,K,L,S,T,U
like if you fancy a boy on your road
LIKE IF: Throwing your phone in anger... then checking if its still ok.
Like if: walking with your friend and randomly pushing them into someone/something
Texting someone who is sitting right next to you.
like if writing “smile” on a piece of paper actually makes you smile. :)
Like if: your parents have ever called you by the wrong name.
like this if you love wearing your boyfriends clothes it makes me feel BEAUTIFULL
Like if you look at my cellphone during awkward situations. :)
Like if you can spend hours with somebody then forget about everything we talked about.
Like if you have weird nicknames/codenames for your crushes.
LIKE if: you like to guess which commercial is going to come next after the other.
LIKE if you also close the fridge door really slow, just to see when the lights went off.
Like if you had That awkward moment when you sleep over at your friend`s house and you wake up before them so you just stare at their house`s wall.
LIKE IF: Texting a person in the same room as me, then staring at them until they get it.
LIKE IF: Before you go to sleep, you start imagining stuff that you would like to happen.
LIKE IF:Yes, my facebook picture is or was a car at one point, because it`s MY car and I`m damned proud of it.
LIKE IF: Hours on the computer feel like minutes, minutes studying feel like hours.
LIKE this if: you were born on your birthday. :)
LIKE if you brush your teeth before you go to the dentist so they think you have really good clean teeth.
LIKE if you have blue eyes.
Pick a number, double it, add 10, divide it by 2, then minus it by the number you started with. LIKE if you got 5.
LIKE if you love facebook more than twitter.
LIKE IF:Losing your phone in your blanket, then having to throw the blanket around until it falls out.
those moments when you feel like you and your bestfriend have the same brain. LIKE if you love your bestfriend :)
LIKE if you are Single. :)
LIKE if you Ever look at your ex while thinking "was I drunk for our whole relationship?"
LIKE this if you`re now addicted to someone.
LIKE if you`re a boy, girl, online, bored, a teen, hungry, thirsty, sad, happy, OR tired :)
LIKE if you Slap/Kick/Bang things when they don`t work !!! :D
LIKE IF: you love justin bieber
LIKE IF: Shutting down the computer and realizing you need it again...
Like if you have ever sucked a cup to your face. (:
Like if you ever fell down the stairs thinking you were walking down a slope.
Like if you`re Having like 50 t-shirts but you only wear 7 of them and complaining that you have no clothes...
LIKE IF: your bestfriends like your facebook status because they know the story behind it.
LIKE IF: When someone says "goodnight," I automatically look at the clock.
Like if you ever embarrassed yourself in front of your crush
LIKE IF your weekend feels extended because you accomplished so many fantastic things.
LIKE IF: missing someone who is sitting right next to you
like this if you hate it when … your watching tv and someone come and changes the channel :(
I SAW YOUR COMMENT BEFORE YOU DELETED IT.. LIKE this if it ever happened with you :)
LIKE IF you put things in a safe place and then forget where the safe place is :)
Like if this status in pointless....:P
LIKE IF:When I Was Little I thought the shape of my heart was actually ♥
LIKE if you had a super busy day converting oxygen into carbon dioxide. ;)
LIKE If you text someone to say you are outside their house instead of knocking.
like this if you are ready for summer!
LIKE if you sometimes want to escape away from all the drama in your life
LIKE IF:Putting in headphones, but still secretly listening to the conversations around you.
LIKE if: peeking out of your 3D glasses during a movie just to see the diffrence xD
Like if you wanna make me smile! :)
LIKE if you`re always that one person who is still laughing when everybody else has stopped...
LIKE IF: When I was younger I drew the sun in the corner of the paper.
Did you know? Its impossible to say "Good Eye Might" without sounding Australian? LIKE if you tried :)
Like if you miss the old time especially childhood :) !
LIKE IF you hate it when you`re about to sleep and a horror scene flashs in your head?
LIKE IF you Re-reading old text messages because they make me smile.
LIKE IF:Brushing your teeth like crazy before you go to the dentist.
LIKE IF: When someone tells you not to do something, it makes you wanna do it more.
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Amazing Ideas for Facebook Status




Amazing Ideas for Facebook Status

eating pizza but not the italian kind.. the taco bell kind.
one day older than I was yesterday.
crying for no particular reason other than the fact that my cat spontaneously combusted!
seen pictures of you naked on the internet. was…
selling my roomates $hit on eBay.
forcing my dog to learn how to google.
teaching the cat how to be a ninja.
about to mail my check for $1500 to nigeria for the $15million lottery i just won! Cya later SUCKAS!!
watching every matrix followed by every star wars followed by every LOTR. Which incidentally adds up to exactly 24hours.
snail mailing a snail. Just to say I did it.
asleep until you just called me… ass!
watching football when it just hit me, football is extremely gay.
dancing with the stars.
drunk dialing but luckily my mom stopped me. Thanks MADD (motha’s against drunk dialing)
googling pop tarts. God I LOVE POP TARTS!
snorting salt… Don’t, it stings.
watching 2girls1cup and now i am puking.
scouring youtube for the naked videos that somehow make it through.
listening to the latest britney spears record…….. i mean… definitely not listening to britney spears.
too cool for school.
constantly evolving.
intelligently designing.
the dude, playing the dude, disguised as another dude.
a day late and a dollar short.
eating a PB&J sammich.
the kid next door’s imaginary friend.
trying to think of clever things to say after inhaling from a helium balloon.
flossing with angel hair pasta.
creatively disabled currently.
preparing for a meeting with Chuck Norris. What should I WEAR??!?!
watching some dude and some chick fight to tell someone else what not to wear.
definitely not watching what not to wear.
definitely not watching oprah.
happy that you finally broke up with that slut. Now I can tell you VIA facebook update that I boinked her.
kissing a girl and may or may not be liking it.
mediocre at best. Has…
zero tolerance for lactose intolerance.
> $20 in my bank acct. Drinks on you homie.
20/20 hearing!
a giant hangover octopus stuck to my head.
run out of time on my parking meter.
google’d and google’d until my little paws hurt.
ninety nine problems however, a biotch is not currently one.
just added a friend I don’t even know.
noticed your mother has been calling me a lot, wondering whats that about?
just bought a cadillac, throwing some D’s on that bitch.
actually won the nigerian lottery!
puked more than twice today.
sold the dudes car who keep parking in my spot on eBay. SUCKA!!!
made my car into a hybrid by siphoning gas out of your tank.
noticed that your looking a little fat lately, you should really do something about that.
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150 Facebook related Status for Facebook User




Facebook related Status

Like this if you want more status Leave a comment on what topic I should talk about Animals, Blondes, More Status ...I need ideas people
like this and I’ll tell you what profession I think you will have.
Like this if you think you can do better
☠ ☠ ☠ Pirates hijacked my Facebook status! ☠ ☠ ☠
When Facebook starts showing how many times you have visited someone`s profile, we`re all screwed.
I’m starting a story. Each person who comments - add the next sentence in the story! Here’s the first sentence: “It was a monday morning at school…”
Fun Status Game!! reach for the nearest book and comment on this status with the second line of the second paragraph on page 20.
Look at your status, now back to mine. Now back to yours, now back to mine. Sadly, yours isn`t mine. But if you stopped posting useless idiocy and made this your status, yours could be like mine. Look down, back up.Where are you? You`re on Facebook, reading the status your status could be like. Anything is possible when your status has a point. I`m on a computer
Just wanted to let you know that you are my BFBFF… Best Facebook Friend Forever..
Study...study...stud....sta....ah....staf.....stafay....fay....face....facebook :D
YES, Facebook, I already CHECKED that notification, now can you please get rid of that little red number?!
Facebook is like a refrigerator. You get bored and keep checking, but nothing ever changes.
Wow! You`re photos really don`t look like you in real life. Maybe you`ve edited them too much?
Liking your own status on Facebook..is like high fiving yourself in public :)
I think Facebook needs a "NOBODY CARES" button right below the status update. a game *Me: =.=
Hi,my name is _________ and I`m a likeoholic.
LIKE If cleaning your room used to mean shoving everything under your bed or in your closet
If your relationship status says, "It`s complicated" you should stop kidding yourself and change it to "Single" :)
LIKE if you`re online ;)
L.....wait for it......IKE! :)
"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!"..."aww u remembered my birthday?"..."ofcourse!, LOL Facebook told me!" :D
EVERYBODY`s online ,except the one u actually want :(
I always (LIKE)
If you were a facebook status, I would Like you. And if you were a tweet, I would Retweet U! ;)
Like my status and I`ll tell you: 1.how we met 2.my first impression of you 3.what i like about you 4.favorite memory with you 5.a color that reminds me of you
facebook needs a wtf button!
Facebook is my mouth. YouTube is my ears. Twitter is my heart.
Poking; The weirdest sign of affection!
Who’s that sexy beast…………..oh I clicked on my own profile again!!
Don`t flatter yourself, I sent a friend request not a marriage proposal.
Your real friends write on your Facebook wall when its Not Your Birthday.
Posting Your Favourite SuperHero As Your Profile Picture.
The awkward moment when you realize your status fails.
Facebook needs a get a life button.
"I got to show you who I`m talking about, let`s get on facebook."
Facebook is like Jail, you sit around and waste time, You write on walls, play useless games and you get poked by weird people...
People liking my status from a week ago on Facebook proves that I have stalkers.
Looking at people`s mutual friends and saying "OMG HOW DO YOU KNOW THEM"
LIKE this if you need a vacation!
Dear Facebook, you are my favorite distraction.
Facebook is the only place where it’s acceptable to talk to a wall.
That akward moment when someone you really hate send you a friend request..
"*News Flash* cure found for Facebook addiction press "Alt + f4" for answer"
Inbox (1) makes me happy... Notifications (1000000) does not.
*you have 1 notification* Me:"excited" clicks *Someone has sent you request in
When I read your status , I mentally correct your grammar mistakes.
Right now, all across the world, people are partying, falling in love and making the most of life. Me?...I`m on facebook! :)
If u feel a bit lonely, 4gotten or just need someone to cheer you up remember....you can always change your birthday on facebook.
If facebook were to crash, America would be full of people walking around towns across the country, talking to walls and poking people...
When someone likes your status that you shared about a week ago and you think to yourself, "They must stalk me."
Yes my status is about you, I was just hoping you got the hint.
Seeing a status update and wondering if it`s about you, but not having the courage to ask.
"How do I reply to that comment??.. Yeah I`ll just like it"
That one friend who is online at 4 am.
"Hey, i`ll be back in 5 minutes..." In case I`m not... Just read the above sentence again." :)
The Awkward moment when you get no likes so you delete your post :/
being on facebook with nothing better to do so you just like random “likes” and blow peoples wall up
That’s it i’m logging out now. Oooooooh look, a notification!
We all have those entertaining facebook fights ♥
Facebook always asks me "What`s on your mind?", .. .. and most of the times, I just copy & paste from others mind..
Before Facebook, I never realized so many people had birthdays...
you don`t have to like me. I`m not a facebook status.. :)
Facebook... Why am I so addicted to you???
Facebook is like a refrigerator. You get bored and keep checking, but nothing ever changes :)
Recycle your bottles not your status updates.
I also think Facebook should change "Friends" to "People with whom I have made eye contact"
no matter what you do on the computer you always end up on twitter or facebook
It`s amazing how much you discover on facebook.
In an emergency, I`d probably write status about it before calling the police.
Does anybody know how can I send an enemy request on Facebook?
Texting + Facebook= Textbook. So I`m studying.
1 friend request, 0 mutual friends, WTF?! how did you find me???? o.O
Dear whoever reads this status, SMILE cause you are Beautiful, Sincerely, me. (:
I`m in love with your statuses. You always make me smile :) ♥
39 mutual friends and still don`t know who this person is(was). (WTF)
When I die, i`m gonna have a "like" and "dislike" button on my gravestone :)
LIFE - (Facebook + Music) = Boring!
It`s not official until it`s on facebook.
Dear Facebook, I can`t believe you still haven`t gotten that dislike button. Sincerely, YouTube.
You don’t have to like me. I’m not a Facebook status.
What Is FACEBOOK ? . . . .
Its A Place Where Boy Posts Joke, Gets No Response... And If Girl Posts The Same Joke, She Gets 150 Likes, 300 Comments & 60 Friends Requests.
That awkward moment when one of your family members sends you a family request on Facebook.
I left MySpace for Facebook, and now I`m cheating on Facebook with Twitter
FACEBOOK FACT The people under your friends list on your wall are the people who visit your wall the most.
"Twitter is over capacity." *Refresh* "Twitter is over capacity." *Refresh* Screw it, I`m getting on Facebook.
Facebook REALLY needs a `No one cares` button
That one day fame on facebook because it`s not birthday.
Thanks to Facebook, i now know what everyone`s bathroom looks like
CAUTION: This status will self-destruct in 10 seconds. The only way to stop it is by LIKE it! :D
Morning Routine: 1. Wake Up 2. Check phone for messages 3. Check Facebook for any notifications
Facebook = You realize how different you are from people. Twitter = You realize there are people who knows exactly how you feel.
That awkward moment when someone you don`t know adds you on facebook and they message you asking who you are. B*tch, you added me!
Is it just me, or does having family members as friends on Facebook limit the things that you can say.
Log Out is the hardest button to press
I remember all my friends` birthday! Since I was on Facebook!
Facebook should get a "I don`t even know you" button, for the dumbasses who like to try to add people they don`t know.
Thanks Facebook, now I don`t know who actually remembered my birthday!
Mom, Dad and Teachers, OK, you`re on Facebook, please don`t invade Twitter now.
when a girl hacks a Facebook account "OMG hacked by Nicole LOVE YOU Bar". when a guy hacks a Facebook account "I am gay!!"
just explained to my mom that not "liking" her status wasn’t the same as "disliking" her status. Facebook can be complicated.
Take it easy! you`re just in the wrong fb wall as I am!! ")
insert coin 2 view todayz status!! :D :D
Good hair day = New profile picture.
That awkward moment when a comment gets more “likes” than your status.
☻/ღ˚ •。* ♥ ˚ ˚✰˚ ˛★* 。 ღ˛° 。* °♥ ˚ • ★ *˚ .ღ 。 /▌*˛˚ღ •˚ ˚…just sprinkling a little Love on your profile. ~♥~˚ ✰* ★ / ˚. ★ *˛ ˚♥* ✰。˚ ˚ღ。
That awkward moment when someone comments on a really old picture and you realize they were probably stalking your page.
I`m back.. from my Facebook vacation :)
Like If : you hate when you get a notification, but it turns out to be pointless -_-
I made my Facebook status: "I kissed a girl"and then I liked it...
Sitting down real quick to check Facebook and Twitter...an hour later, I`m still there...
What is Facebook? A place where boy posts a joke there is no response ... but Girl posts same joke she get 95 likes, 35 comment, 15 friend requests..! Like if agree :P
Facebook; the only place where I can be married to my best friend, and have more than 20 siblings.
The awkward moment when someone deletes their comment on facebook and you look like you’re talking to yourself.
I`m busy "liking" everything on Facebook to counterbalance all the "unliking" I do in real life.
There`s a thin line between "I should make a status about that" and "I should talk to a therapist about that."
If my boss saw how many cool things I post on Facebook in a day, he`d stop saying I`m unproductive.
The awkward moment when someone likes your picture that you posted 8 months ago...
The first and last person to LIKE this status are the sexiest people in the whole wide world! :)
How did we spend all our time before Facebook was invented? D:
Teaching your own mother how to use Facebook is like willingly signing your own death warrant..!
Roses are red, Facebook is blue, No mutual friends, Who the f*ck are you?
Tries to fill the empty void in his life by gettign people to like his status updates.
We should put together, My Space, Facebook, Youtube, Twitter...and call it: My Face You Twitt !
is wondering if you can grow marijuana on Farmville then sell it on Mafia Wars? ;)
is updating his status to let you know his status is that he has no status.
is thinking about how everyone seems to have their face in a book but no one seems to be reading much anymore.
is wondering if i will get a notification if i like my own status. Lets find out.
says that all of his true friends will like this status. Are you his true friend?
why is it that whenever there’s two women in a profile pic the hot one is always someone else..?
NO ONES LOOKING ;) DO IT NOW
I hate when I look horrible in a group picture and the person that looks good refuses to delete it.
loves doing the “scroll of shame” the morning after drinking. That`s when I walk through all the stuff I shouldn`t have done on Facebook the night before.
I Liked your Status and now 25 notifications later........I`m hating me for Liking your status!
I`m in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he`s going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Just deleted 10 friends - Are you next??
Dad joined facebook. . . . . .kid`s status. . .`wtf`. . . .dad asks him. . . . . `what is wtf. . ?`. . Kid replies. . . .`welcome to facebook. . .`. . . . :P
lkie fi yuo cna raed tihs whit no porlbem yuo`er jsut htat smrat.
Copy this onto your status and see what people rate you! (1) ghetto (2) wish we went out (3) talkative (4) sarcastic (5) loveable (6) crazy (7) i want you (8) spoilt (9) great parent (10) wild (11) funny (12) beautiful (13) mature (14) ugly (15) I’d take you home ;) (16) wish I had ur number (17) wierd (18) honest (19) freak (20)sexy
Comment me a color! BLACK -i hαte you. PINK -i fαncy you. PURPLE -i would dαte you. BLUE -i did love you. RED -i do love you. SILVER -we αre close. GOLD -i like you. GREEN -i will αlwαys love you. ORANGE -i think you’re sexy. YELLOW -you’re my best friend. BROWN -you’re funny. Put this αs your stαtus and see whαt colours you get!
When the mayans predicted the end of the world in 2012, they were meaning that Facebook would close.
I SAW YOUR COMMENT BEFORE YOU DELETED IT.
Life is like Facebook - People will like your problems & often comment on them, but only a few will try and help you solve them, while everyone else is too busy trying to update their status.
Press Enter to dislike the `Press Enter to post`
When your caring boyfriend/girlfriend puts you in their status cause they don’t care what their friend’s think.
I hate it when I write a sarcastic Facebook status and someone who doesn’t get it has to comment and ruin it.
That Awkward Moment When there’s nothing new on Tumblr, Facebook, or Twitter, so you just stare blankly at the screen switching tabs randomly.
Without you, I`m like... Status Update without Likes.
Facebook should change "in a relationship" to "i love my boyfriend/girlfriend" !
I don`t know you but, Facebook says its your birthday so..HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :)
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Bumper Stickers Facebook Status massages





I no longer wish to share this nation's roads and highways with others. Sorry for the inconvenience.
If you can read this, I've lost my trailer.
If you can read this, I can hit my brakes and sue you.
I'm not driving fast-just flying low. hr> Cover me, I'm changing lanes.
Don't bother honking or flashing your lights, I'm deaf and blind.
Driver carries no cash. He's married.
Seen on an old, beat-up car: "This is not an abandoned vehicle"
Next time you wave, use all your fingers.
Keep honking...I'm reloading.
If you can read this, thank a teacher....and, since it's in English, thank a soldier!!
If you can read this, please flip me back over...[Seen upside down, on a Jeep]
Horn broken... watch for finger.
I Brake For No Apparent Reason.
Honk if you have never seen an uzi fired from a car window.
Honk if you want to see my finger.
Buffalo wings are a lot of work for little food-reward
Dinosaurs were lies, fed to us to cover up the existence of Pokemon.
Watch out for the idiot behind me.
So many pedestrians - So little time.
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Most popular Sex Facebook Status massages




Sex Facebook Status

I think condoms should come with an extended warranty.
Wish there was a word in the dictionary for: "Your picture led me to believe you were really hot but in real life you were actually butt ugly."
"They" say money and sex is the root of all evil. Well I think "they" are just poor virgins
Did you know that if you flash your boobs to those sweet young Mormon boys they will fall right off their bicycles?
The only thing more awkward than buying condoms would be returning them.
If someone describe something as "better than sex," everything they say from then on is a lie.
Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
100,000 sperm and you were the fastest?
Does time fly when you're having sex or was it really just one minute?
According to a new survey, women say they feel more comfortable undressing in front of men than they do undressing in front of other women. They say that women are too judgmental, where, of course, men are just grateful.
The big difference between sex for money and sex for free is that sex for money usually costs a lot less.
Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.
Is it just me or do mirrors look really sexy?
Taking your bra off at the end of a super long day is quite possibly one of best feelings ever.
If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex?
When you go to the drugstore, why are the condoms not in with the other party supplies?
Sex is the only activity where you start at the top and work your way to the bottom, while getting a raise.
Sex on tv can't hurt unless you fall off.
Most women prefer sex with the lights off because they can't bear to see a man enjoying himself.
Friends are like condoms: They protect you when things get hard.
Are you into casual sex, or should I dress up ?
Sex is like software: For every one who pays for it there are hundreds getting it for free.
Fifty-six percent of all women carry condoms. The other 44% carry babies.
Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.
How can men use sex to get what they want? Sex IS what they want.
There's no way my parents have ever had sex.
Sexy Mode [ON] OFF
Do I need a receipt to bring sexy back?
I could be completely naked and I'd still look less slutty than this girl.
No woman likes a naked man in socks.
Apparently "Get naked." is not the correct response for "Anything else I can do for you today?" from the hot female store clerk.
Sex is like pizza. When it's good, it's good. When it's bad, it's still petty good.
Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.
Accept it. Your parents HAVE had sex before.
Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can't even get into my own pants.
It's O.K. to laugh during sex ... just don't point !
During sex, my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel.
Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.
Silence doesn't mean your sexual performance left her speechless.
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Free Sharing Thoughts Facebook Status Massages




Sharing Thoughts Facebook Status .

That awesome feeling when you wake up and realize you don`t have to go to school/work
90% of the time I say `BRB` it just means I don`t want to talk to you anymore
That awkward moment when you`re all excited about opening a present, and when you open it, it sucks
That look you give your friends when someone attractive walks in the room
Some people don`t deserve the memories you share with them.
Should I blame love for making me think about that person everyday?
Making up an excuse not to hang out with someone, because you`d rather chill at home.
People are obsessed with the front seat of the car but when you get in a bus, you go straight to the back.
I hate it when somebody says; "you had to be there." It`s like; yeah, I would have been if you invited me.
When I sit down on a field, I automatically start to pull grass out of the ground!!
I think it ’s cute when someone tells you straight up that they like you.
I wanna go to medical school just to be the person who yells "WE`RE LOSING HIM!
Don`t call yourself my true friend when you`re never there for me and I must always be there for you.
To all my haters, remember, its mind over matter: I don`t mind & you don`t matter!
Beauty isn`t measured by the number of likes of your picture on Facebook !
I hate how chocolate immediately melt on my fingers. I mean.. am I that hot? ;)
Giving up is always an option but never my choice.
I`m too young for this shit.
Hi, remember me? I`m the girl you never bothered to say goodbye to.
I love the things you say, and how you never fail to make me smile. and by the end of the night, you’re always on my mind.
Yes, this is a fake smile. Thanks for NOT realizing.
I`m wondering why, most of my friends in facebook are single..where is the love?
I love it how we can look at each other in class and start laughing for no reason :D
I`m mistaken for a flirt when I`m friendly, a bitch when I`m blunt, and shy when I`m quiet. Get to know me before you start assuming things.
I`m not ignoring you, I`m waiting to see if you`ll make an effort...it`s different..
I hate when plans get cancelled at the last minute.
I hate it when you say the right answer multiple times, then someone else says your answer and they get credit.
I try not to look when I know someone is staring at me
It`s really nice how some people can make you smile, just by thinking about them.
Dear future, I`m scared you`ll turn out the way my past did. Sincerely, present.
Whenever you feel like having no one by your side. Remember that you still have me, I`ll be there (:
If you`re going to be fake, just get some imaginary friends. You can do all you want to them, and it won`t affect the world around you. But never, ever fake anything to a real person. Unless you`re a freakin` magician.
Laughing at someone`s joke, not cause it was funny, but because it was JUST SO STUPID!
The Perfect Day: Going to bed with a dream, Waking up with a purpose
I wish people would listen as much as they talk
You can never say exactly WHAT IS ON YOUR MIND if your family members are on your friend-list.
*Ignore incoming call* Next day: "Hey I called you." "Really?! Oh I didn`t get it..."
I think I need glasses, cause I keep seeing alot of people with two faces.
There is nothing I hate more than seeing friendships being ruined over stupid things
I am not a quitter, but sometimes the game just isn`t worth playing anymore.
I hate being ignored by someone I pay the most attention to.
but seriously.. who else secretly wants a Waterproof phone.. so you can text in the shower? :)
Everybody has that one person that they want to hate but cant cause they still love them
Staring at your phone when your half asleep is like looking at a car`s headlights when they`re turned on & you`re drunk.
Oh so now I`m invisible to you? That`s cool. I`ve always wanted a superpower.
It`s too late to apologize. The damage is done.
Coming home happy. Then someone simply RUINS EVERYTHING by yelling at you.
Those moments when all the thoughts you have tried so hard to forget all come rushing back to you.
I wasn`t being mean. I was being honest.
When I`m on my death bed I want my last words to be .... " I left one million dollars in the".
its funny how one bad thing erases any trace of all the good things you’ve done.
Dear haters, I have so much more for you to be mad about. Just be patient.
That moment of joy when you find money in your pocket.
“Who do you like?” ``I don’t know… guess”- Am I the only one that gets pissed off when someone does this?
When I`m bored nobody texts me but when I`m busy my phone blows up
A friend like you is worth a million dollars...So, if you don`t mind,CAN I SELL YOU? :P
The best feeling? Waking up in the middle of the night and realizing you still have hours to sleep..
Everything Seems Louder When People Are Sleeping
When an immature person gets serious you know it`s time to take cover..
The best quote isn`t having the words of the longest or the most beautiful, but the one that best matches our feelings when we read it.
am I the only one whose never seen a Pizza delivery girl..?
I like conversations where I don`t have to think about what to say. It just comes naturally.
I got a text! I hope its from...... OH MY GOSH, LEAVE ME ALONE.
I hate it when Two friends whisper right in front of you. And your just standing there like ` Well then`
Goodbye is the last thing I wanna hear from you.
My Sleeping Pattern is officially screwed when school starts.
We all have that one person... we have disliked since day one.
Yes, I know my jokes are lame. Yes, I still think they`re funny.
If anyone catches me singing in my car, my immediate reaction is to stare at them until it is equally awkward for both of us.
I am so clever that sometimes I don`t understand a single word of what I am saying :)
Last night I wished on a shooting star, I really, really, really hope my wish comes true!!!
Daily needs:⁰90% Internet⁰5% Food⁰3% Air⁰2% Water
Instead of "lol", try "lsimhbiwfefmtalol". Laughing silently in my head because it wasn`t funny enough for me to actually laugh out loud.
I love it when I catch you looking at me then you smile and look away.
Honestly, I don`t have time to hate people who hate me, because I`m too busy loving people who love me.
I`m multi-talented. I can talk and piss you off at the same time.
Forget what you want, and remember what you deserve.
I have a disease. Its called awesomeness. but don`t worry it`s not contagious!
Me Crazy? The voices in my head think I`m awesome!
The only person in this world I trust is myself. And even he`s questionable at times.
Well, I`ve always believed success is the best revenge.
Have you ever wanted to say something so much but you just couldn`t stop staring?
It`s so hard to trust people now a days. Trust me, proven and tested.
I hope you brought an umbrella....cause its raining cold hard facts up in here
when someone tells me " DON`T LOOK " I automatically look there , no matter what.
I wonder , what goes through your mind, when someone mentions my name to you.
The awkward moment when you check the price tag & sadly, you walk away.
You hate me ? wow !... I didn`t even know you exist... O.o
I hate seeing people upset and not knowing what to do.
When your texting someone and they say, "I`m bored" and you`re thinking, "Bitch, am I not entertaining enough for you?"
I hate when people keep sending me text messages when they know I won`t respond.
The satisfying feeling of making someone laugh really hard.
Listening to someone telling a story and thinking: Lie, lie, lie, lie, lie, lie
you`re sorry ? that`s cool. go write a book about it and let someone who actually cares read it.
Dear Nosy People, if you don`t know what`s going on, just shut up. Sincerely, I don`t need your opinion.
I wanna throw a party with fake alcohol and see how many people act wasted
Saying "Huh" when I heard exactly what you said...
I hate it when people overuse "lol"
Telling your parents something funny, but it turns into a life lesson...
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100 plus Smart Facebook Status massages 2





Don`t make promises you can`t keep.
When you learn to accept instead of expect, you’ll have fewer disappointments.
Never sacrifice who you are just because someone has a problem with it.
nobodys perfect, so dont expect them to be
The road to success is dotted with many tempting parking places.
There`s a reason why our eyes are in front. It`s so that we can see where we are going, not where we have been.
The key to life is to have a bigger ear (listener) rather than a bigger mouth (talker). Remember that!
Understand why things happened in your past, so you can control if they happen or not in your future.
By the time you learn the rules of life, you’re too old to play the game.
Life stops when you stop dreaming, hope ends when you stop believing, love ends when you stop caring, friendship ends when you stop sharing.
Life is the sum of all your choices.
Trust is like paper…Once it`s crumpled, it can`t be perfect again
Life’s too awesome to waste your time thinking about someone who doesn`t treat you right.
You will never stop learning new things, no matter how old you are.
It`s easy to stand in the crowd, but it takes courage to stand alone.
Life`s best lessons are learned at the worst times.
The longer you wait for something, the more you will appreciate it when you get it.
Be confident with yourself and stop worrying what other people think. Do what`s best for your future happiness!
Hope for the best but prepare for the worst.
Love yourself, and the world will love you. Respect yourself, and the world will do the same
The fact that we cannot lick our elbows is enough to prove things that seem so close can be so out of reach.
People who never fail are people who learn the least. Don`t be afraid to fail. Grab the lesson, fight better!
Pain warns you something`s wrong. Without it, you`d ignore what needs to be fixed in your life.
Don`t expect to get anything if you`re not willing to work for it.
be careful who you open up to. only a few people actually care, the rest are just curious.
One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching!
An old man said "Erasers are made for those who make mistakes" A youth replied "Erasers are made for those who are willing to correct their mistakes!"
Most people achieved their greatest success one step beyond what looked like their greatest failure.
The only reason why people hold onto memories is because memories are the only things that don’t change when everyone else does...
Be brave. Take risks. Nothing substitutes experience.. - Paulo Coelho
Get your vision, tools and have a courage to rewrite your life. Remember: Your destiny will NOT be written for you, but by you!
Life is like an elevator, it has its ups and downs but you are the one who controls the direction it can go.
Life is too hard? Stop complaning and make the best of what you have
While most are dreaming of success, winners wake-up and work hard to achieve it.
Don`t be afraid to get hurt, it might be the start of a true happiness!
Sometimes words are not enough to make someone feel that you care for them. Sometimes it needs a little effort.
Enjoy the little things in life because one day you`ll look back and realize they were the big things.
Giving up is easy. But to hold it together when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that`s true strength.
Always act like you are wearing an invisible crown. (:
In the end, some of your greatest pains become some of your greatest strengths.
Don`t judge my journey until you`ve walked my path.
Don`t talk,if you don`t have any good things to say!!
There`s always something in the past that makes you who you are today. Sometimes it just changes you without letting you know.
Life isn`t about finding yourself. It`s about creating yourself.
I`m not proud by making mistakes, I`m just relieved to know that I`m still a human.
Why waste time trying to get even when you can spend time trying to get ahead?
Decisions are the hardest moves to make, especially when it`s a choice between where you should be, and where you want to be.
Actions speak louder than words, so believe what you see and forget what you heard.
"A single lie discovered is enough to create doubt over every truth expressed!!"
Don’t change so someone will like you. Be yourself; the right people will like and love the real you.
Life is about trusting our feelings, taking chances, finding happiness, appreciating the memories, and learning from the past.
"No one can change a person, but someone can be a person`s reason to change"
Its not what do you love, but WHO DO YOU LOVE. The people in your life are more valuable than the money in your pocket!
The older you get the smarter your Father will seem.
Memories make us who we are. Dreams make us who we will become.
Faith is when you believe in something you can`t see.
Be the voice, not the echo.
If you don`t understand my silence,you will not understand my words.
E v e r y t h i n g leaves a mark.
Worry about your character, not your reputation. Your character is who you are. Your reputation is who people think you are.
It’s not about getting through the storm, but rather to learn to dance in the rain
Good friends do not let you do stupid things….. alone :)
► PlayTheMoments ▌▌ PauseTheMemories ■ StopThePain ◄◄ RewindTheHappiness.
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