Newspaper Headlines Facebook Status
Officer, I'm not Fred Flintstone, I didn't "run" a red light, I drove through it. Now let me go.
Mubarak has changed his Egypt dictatorship status to 'It's complicated'
Americans have different ways of saying things. They say "elevator", we say "lift"... they say "President", we say "stupid psychopathic git".
Clinton lied. A man might forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.
George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"... well, swine flu.
Some people hear voices.. Some see invisible people.. Others have no imagination whatsoever.
The worst thing about calling in sick today is not being able to post last night's rage fest pictures until this weekend.
Another mass bird death except this time it's a whole flock of Seahawks in Chicago.
Queen Elizabeth is now on Facebook, I've always wanted to poke a queen.
I wrote "My Parking Spot" in chalk at one of the spots in my school parking lot to see what happens. No one has parked there for a week :)
I find life is better if I live every day like it's your last.
the best stalkers stand behind their work.
Dear NASA, Your mom thought I was big enough. Sincerely, Pluto.
Here's your social security card. It's paper & has to last you forever. Don't laminate it. Good luck! -The Government
Dear Customer Service: First of all, you should know that I'm typing this with my middle finger
George Bush published a book? I bet it's a picture book
Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back
Blind woman gets new kidney from dad she hasn't seen in years
Canadians are more polite when they are being rude than Americans are when they are being friendly.
A Short Description about youself
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