Funny sms Jokes massages 1

Funny SMS Jokes

Aim for the stars. But first, aim for their bodyguards.

Two goldfish are in a tank. One says to the other, "Do you know how to drive this thing?"

What is the difference between a woman and a magnet? Magnets have a positive side!

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Q: What does a blonde owl say? A: What, what?

WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!

What do you call a blonde hiding in a closet? The 1977 World Hide and Seek Champion.

Why was Phillip's girlfriend annoyed? Coz she found out that Phillips 24 inch was a TV.

What do Germans use for birth control? Their personalities!

Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet? He was looking for Pooh!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One fucked the miners, the other fucked the Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimer's disease? A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

What do you get if you cross an Irishman with a German? A man who's too drunk to follow orders.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.

For sale : Air Bags, Used once.

What do you call a Lada/Skoda at the top of a hill? A miracle.

What's the definition of suspicion? A nun doing pressups in a cucumber field.

Why doesn't Jesus eat M and M's? Cos they fall through his hands.

What's pink, wrinkled and hangs oot yer trousers??? Yer Gran!

What are 3 words you never wanna hear whilst making love? Honey, I'm home! What do you get when you cross ESP with PMS? A bitch who knows everything.

How do you save a man from drowning? Take yer foot of his head.

Q: How many men does it take to change a toilet roll? A: We don't know. Never happens.

Q: Why was the leper caught speeding? A: He couldn't take his foot of the accelerator.

Q: What do you get when you cross a computer with a whore? A: An fucking know it all.

A chicken sandwich walked into the bar, ordered some food and beer. The bartender says: "Sorry, we don't serve food here".

Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.

I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?

If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.

Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.

What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...

Q: How did the Pollack burn his face? A: Bobbing for french fries.

Q: What's difference between Yogurt and Australia? A: One has a real live culture.

Q: What's diff between Michael Jackson and grocery bag? A: Ones white, made outta plastic and dangerous for kids to play with. The other you carry groceries in.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Fanny. Fanny who? Fanny the way you keep saying 'Who's there? Every time I knock.

Knock! Knock! Who's There? A midget who cant reach the doorbell.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Harry. Harry who? Harry up and let me in!

friendship is like peeing in your pants. every1 can c it but only u can feel its true warmth.thank u 4 being the pee in my pants xxxx

(_!_)An arse (__!__)Fat arse (!)Tight arse (_?_)Dumb arse (_*_)Sore arse (_zzz_)Tired arse (_E=mc2_)Smart arse (_x_)Kiss my arse!!

He met a lady while browsing. She unzipped his dotcom when downloading. Since he was virus free he slotted his floppydisk into her hotmail she screamed yahoo!

Today its cool to have small cars and small computers.Soon it will be cool to have a small penis too.then you my friend will be THE MAN!!

Viagra now available in eye drops, you don't get an erection but you look hard!

T-MOBILE regrets 2 inform u that the network has gone down on everyone except u.We regret 2 inform u that no one would go down on u.not even a network

I only have SEX on days that begin with T: Thanksgiving. Tuesday. Thursday. Today. Tomorrow. Thaturday. thunday.. Tevery day!

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Harry, Butch, and Jimmy. Harry, Butch and Jimmy who? Harry up, Butch your arms around me, and Jimmy a kiss.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Olive. Olive who? Olive across the road.

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Mummy. Mummy who? Mummeasles are better so can I come in?

Knock! Knock! Who's there? Boo. Boo who? There's no need to cry, it's only a joke.

Conserve toilet paper, use both sides.

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck!

Sorry, I don't date outside my species.

Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW!

First the engagement ring, then the wedding ring, then the suffering.

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Dad, what vagina looks like? Before sex: a pink rose with soft lovely pelats and perfum aroma. And after sex? boy, have you ever seen a bulldog eating mayonnaise!

Kiss my ass, and do it fast,suck my dick and do it quick.

Bad sex is better then a good day in school.

I'M AN ALIEN. I HAVE JUST TRANSFORMED MYSELF INTO THIS TEST. AS YOU ARE READING I'M HAVING SEX WITH YOUR EYEBALLS. I KNOW THAT YOU LIKE IT BECAUSE YOU ARE SMILING

All the love that history knows is said to be in every rose!Yet all the love that could be found in two, is less than what I feel for you.

If you think there is good in everybody, you haven't met everybody.

When a man talks dirty to a woman, it's sexual harassment. When a woman talks dirty to a man, it's $3.95 per minute.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Born Free. . . . .Taxed to Death.

Their are moments in life when you really miss someone. And you wish you could just pluck them from your dreams......

My girl and me, we are so perfect, she loves me, and I love myself too...

Hi, do you want to have my children? No.?? ...Okay, then can we just practice?

CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this

Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?

This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.

Why were males created before females? Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.

I want to suck you... lick you... wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!

What do you say to a woman with 2 black eyes? You don't, you've told her twice already!

What's the difference between Margaret Thatcher and Edwina Currie? One screwd the miners, the other screwed Majors

Q: What happens when a blonde gets Alzheimers disease? A: Her IQ goes up.

Jesus saves, he shoots, HE SCORES!!

Any woman that thinks the way to a mans heart is through his stomach is aiming just a little too high.

I'm late for work because the train driver had an out of body experience and didn't come back for a day and a half.

I like Kids. But I don't think I could eat a whole one.

By Unknown