Why do farts smell? For benefit of the deaf.
I've got the ship, you've got the harbor ... what say we tie up for the night?
If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put U and I together.
Why'd the couple stop after 3 children? Cos they heard every fourth child born is chinese.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test? Drool...
I can please only one person per day. Today is not your day. Tomorrow isn't looking good either.
It's no accident that stressed spelled backwards is desserts.
He was looking for Pooh!
Four fonts walk into a bar. The barman says "Oi - get out! We don't want your type in here"
A priest, a rabbi and a vicar walk into a bar. The barman says, "Is this some kind of joke?"
A sandwich walks into a bar. The barman says "Sorry we don't serve food in here"
A dyslexic man walks into a bra
A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm and says: "Pint please, and one for the road."
A three-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and announces: "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Crime doesn't pay...Does that mean my job is a crime?
This dog, is dog, a dog, good dog, way dog, to dog, keep dog, an dog, idiot dog, busy dog, for dog, 20 dog, seconds dog! ... Now read without the word dog.
Why were males created before females?
Cos you always need a rough draft before the final copy.
I want to suck you.. lick you.. wanna move my tongue all over you...wanna feel you in my mouth...yep, tat's how u...eat an ice cream!
ALGEBRA: A weapon of math destruction.
Don't spend £2 to dry-clean a shirt. Donate it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it, put it on a hanger. Next morn buy it back for 50p.
Do you ever notice that when you're driving, anyone going slower than you is an idiot and everyone driving faster than you is a maniac?
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
A: There have been sightings of UFOs.
I think drinking and driving is terrible. You always spill it when you change gears...
There was this Eskimo chick who spent the night with her boyfriend. Next morning she found out she was 6 months pregnant.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
A 3-legged dog walks into a saloon in the Old West. He slides up to the bar and says:
"I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."
Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.
Employee: Who's there?
Boss: Not you anymore.
What's the diff between a Rottwieler and a Poodle?
If Rotty starts humping your leg, let it finish.
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused his dentist's Novocain during root canal work? He wanted to transcend dental medication.
I met a Dutch girl with inflatable shoes last week, phoned her up to arrange a date but unfortunately she'd popped her clogs.
Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly; but when they lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all that you can't have your kayak and heat it.
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
What happened when the Pope went to Mount Olive?
Popeye beat the crap outta him.
I've used up all my sick days, so I'm calling in dead.
I took an IQ test and the results were negative.
Jesus loves you... everyone else thinks your an asshole…
If you wanna be a hipi, put you flower in your pipi…
Don`t drink water, because fish fuck in it!
Hi! Please stand by while this program enlarges your penis...........................ERROR: Your penis was not found! Sorry..............
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Madam.
Madam who?
Madam key broke in the lock.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Orange.
Orange who?
Orange you glad I called by?
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Atch.
Atch who?
Bless you.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Mister.
Mister who?
Mister last bus home.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Ivor.
Ivor who?
Ivor sore hand from knocking so much.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
York.
York who?
York coming over to my place tonight?
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Isabel.
Isabel who?
Isabel broken? I had to knock.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Lettuce in, it's cold out here.
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Grandma. Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Aunt.
Aunt who?
Aunt you glad Grandma's gone?
Knock! Knock!
Who's there?
Doris.
Doris who?
Doris locked - that's why I knocked.
Sex is like programing; One mistake, and YOU WILL HAVE TO SUPPORT IT FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE…
Never let a man's mind wander, it's too little to be out on it's own!!!!
It is good for girl to meet boy in park, but better for boy to park meat in girl.
News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv... another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
News: 3 Chimps escaped from the zoo... 1 was caught watching tv.. another playing football and the third one was caught reading this txt message
God made man and then rested. God made women and then no one rested
The longest sentence known to man: "I do."
CNN News. Bush orders 15,000 FBI trained dogs to track down Osama. FBI awaiting further orders as one of the dogs is reading this
A Short Description about youself
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