Q: How does a blonde commit suicide?
A: She gathers her clothes into a pile and jumps off.
Q: Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
A: It swells at night.
Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don't. They're born that way.
Q: Why do blondes work seven days a week?
A: So you don't have to retrain them on Monday.
What goes VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH,VROOM, SCREECH?
A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
Because she blows the horn!
Why is a blonde like a door knob?
Because everybody gets a turn.
Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
Because she's been laid all over the country.
Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
She kept having affairs with men!
What does a blonde do if she is not in bed by 10?
She picks up her purse and goes home.
To a blonde, what is long and hard?
Grade 4.
What is the definition of gross ignorance?
144 blondes.
Why is 68 the maximum speed for blonds?
Because at 69 they blow a rod...
What is the difference between a blonde and a refrigerator?
A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull your meat out of it.
Did you hear about the blonde couple that were found frozen to death in their car at a drive-in movie theater?
They went to see "Closed for the Winter".
What is the definition of the perfect woman?
A deaf and dumb blonde nymphomaniac whose father owns a pub.
Why is a blonde like an old washing machine?
They both drip when they're fucked.
How would a blond punctuate the following?: "Fun fun fun worry worry worry"
Fun period fun period fun NO PERIOD worry worry worry!
Why is the blonde's brain the size of a pea in the morning?
It swells at night.
A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
A blonde ordered a pizza and the clerk asked if he should cut it in six or twelve pieces.
"Six, please. I could never eat twelve pieces."
What's a blonde's idea of safe sex?
Locking the car door.
Why did the blonde keep failing her driver's test?
Because every time the door opened, she jumped into the back seat.
What did the blonde do when she heard that 90% of accidents occur around the home?
She moved.
What's five miles long and has an IQ of forty?
A blonde parade.
Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
They don't have to worry about blowing their brains out.
Did you hear about the blonde who tried to blow up her husband's car?
She burned her lips on the tailpipe.
Why are blonde jokes so short?
So men can remember them.
Why do men like blonde jokes so much?
Because they can understand them
How do you make a blonde's eyes twinkle?
Shine a flashlight in their ear.
What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
They're both empty from the neck up.
Why did the blonde tip-toe past the medicine cabinet?
So she wouldn't wake up the sleeping pills
Did you hear about the blonde
She sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
Did you hear about the blonde
She thought a quarterback was a refund.
Did you hear about the blonde
She tripped on the cordless phone
Did you hear about the blonde
She put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to makeup her mind
Did you hear about the blonde
She took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept
Did you hear about the blonde
At the bottom of the application where it says "sign here", she put Leo
Did you hear about the blonde
If she spoke her mind, she would be speechless
Did you hear about the blonde
When she heard that 90% of all crimes were around the home, she moved
Why can't blondes be pharmacists?
Because they can t fit the bottle in the typewriter
What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?
OH, LOOK!! Donut seeds!!
What are two reasons why blondes don't mind their own business?
No mind. No business
Why did 18 blondes go to a movie?
Because below 18 was not allowed
Two blondes were driving to Tokyo Disneyland when they saw a sign that read, "Tokyo Disneyland Left", so they turned around and went home
Why did the blonde dye her hair red?
Instant Intelligence!
Why do blondes drive BMWs?
Because they can spell it
Why did the blonde try and steal a police car?
She saw "911" on the back and thought it was a Porsche.
Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
Because it kept falling out.
Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.
How do you confuse a blonde?
Ask her to alphabetize a bag of M&Ms.
Why does it work?
"Does 3 come before E or does it go between M and W?"
Why did the blonde call the welfare office?
She wanted to know how to cook food stamps!
What is the blonde's favorite potato chip?
Free-to-lay (Frito-Lay).
What is blond, brunette, blond, brunette, ....?
A blond doing cartwheels.
What is the connection between a blonde and a halogen headlamp?
They both get screwed on the front of a Ford Escort.
Did you hear about the blond skydiver?
She missed the Earth!
Did you hear about the blond who had two chances to get pregnant?
She blew it both times!
What do a moped and a blond have in common?
They're both fun to ride until a friend sees you on one.
How do you know when a blond's been in your fridge?
Lipstick on the cucumbers!
What do a blonde and an instant lottery ticket have in common?
All you have to do is scratch the box to win.
What is the difference between a blonde and an inflatable doll?
About 2 cans of hair spray
What's the quickest way to get into a blondes pants?
Pick them up off the floor.
Where do blondes go to meet their relatives?
The vegetable garden.
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
What do you call a swimming pool full of blondes?
Frosted Flakes.
What do you call a blonde holding a brief case, up a tree?
The Branch Manager.
What job function does a blonde have in an M&M factory?
Proof-reading.
A Short Description about youself
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