Free Text Insults SMS part 1






Free TXT SMS Insults


Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.

I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.

You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to

Are you typing with your forehead, again?

He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

A rose by any other name still has thorns.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.

May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!

Are you typing with your forehead, again?

He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

A rose by any other name still has thorns.

There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.

There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.

Is that a comeback? For fuck's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.

He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt.

Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.

You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.

Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.

There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.

He has no equal. Everyone else is better.

You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?

He has no equal. Everyone else is better.

You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.

He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.

He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.

He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.

You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.

We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.

He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.

Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!

Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.

Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.

Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.


By Unknown
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