Food Facebook Status
The first sip of a hot beverage is always the scariest sip.
Chocolate: the OTHER major food group.
Chocolate contains phenylthylamine, the chemical your brain produces when you fall in love. No love? Eat chocolate!
Screw you recommended serving size. YOU don`t know me!
I`m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat... :D
Everything sucks...............................................except FOOD !!!! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Coffee is the drink of life!
Accomplishing things before the microwave hits 00:00.
I`m not hungry. But, I am bored. Therefore, I shall eat. Story of every person`s life.
LIKE if you can`t tell the difference between coke & pepsi.
"ughh I`m so full".."who wants dessert?".."MEEE!!!"
There was a piece of chocolate cake in the fridge and a note, “Don’t eat me.” Now there’s an empty plate and a note, Don’t tell me what to do.
really doesn`t get why people like brunch. What`s the benefit of combining break-dancing and lunch?
Okay, can someone please invent the opposite of a microwave. I need my beer cold, now. And no, the freezer is not fast enough :)
[D]id [I] [E]at [T]hat :)
I like carrots. Go vitamin C!
Me:The world can`t end in 2012. Someone:Really?Why? Me:My snack bar doesn`t expire until 2013!
as hell!
You cannot taste me, until you undress me. Sincerely, banana.
thinks chocolate is cheaper than therapy and you don’t need an appointment.
thinks it’s inappropriate for Sea World to have a seafood restaurant.
If tomatoes are classed as a fruit, then doesn't that mean that ketchup is technically a smoothie?
Part of me says I can't keep drinking like this. The other part of me says, "Don't listen to that guy. He's drunk."
Macaroni would be nothing if it weren't for cheese. Cheese, on the other hand, doesn't need macaroni to stay pimp. I think we all know who wears the pants in the macaroni and cheese relationship.
This salad tastes like lettuce
It's not going the wrong way down a one-way street if your the only one on it.
I wonder how many fries are eaten every year between the drive thru window and the parking lot exit.
Do you know how helpless you feel if you have a full cup of coffee in your hand and you start to sneeze?
Think about what you're about to type... Is it sad? If so, stop because nobody but you cares.
So Lady Gaga went to the VMA's last year dressed as meat, on sunday at the Grammy's she went in an egg. Two more red carpet events and she could be a Denny's GRAND SLAM!
My phone has more apps than contacts.
Pics or it didn't happen
Dear roommate: stop blocking the beer in the fridge with all your yogurt
Lawsuit claims Taco Bell tacos only 35% real beef. Think I speak for all of us when I say wow that much?
Vegas Day 3: I saw a man try to pay a hooker in poker chips; she made the same face you make when you order a Coke and the waitress says they only have Pepsi.
"Hey, there's food on the ground. Let's go." "No way, it hasn't been 5 seconds yet." -germs
Sometimes it's just easier to eat the last slice of pizza than fit the box in the fridge.
I just saw a homeless guy wearing a shirt that said "that's Mr. Bum to you."
Eating Ramen Noodles with a spoon is like going the speed limit, sounds like a good idea but won't get you very far.
The most painful & worst possible types of goodbyes, are the ones that are never said, or never even explained
I'm so hungry I even ate all the yellow Starbursts
Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
I walked into my doctor’s office and said,”Doctor, I’ve eaten something that disagrees with me.” A voice from inside my stomach said, “No, you haven’t.”
Cows should really stop putting “delicious” on their resumes.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don't know me.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
"Too much milk left need more cereal" always leads to "too much cereal need more milk"
warning: this status update was produced in a plant that also produces peanuts.
Pouring milk on Doritos and pretending it's cereal isn't as good of an idea as I thought it would be.
Why even get a cake if you don't plan on eating it
Dear bread, I'm hot, turned on, and want you inside me. Sincerely, the toaster.
I hate it when you drink water and the ice attacks your face.
If you FILLED the glass to the halfway point, it's half full. If you poured some OUT to get it there, it's half empty
I love the dominos pizza tracker, it helps me determine when I should start salivating
Are we having some drinks, or are we havin' some DRANKS? I need to dress appropriately.
So I made a sandwich, and I ate it.
Yay, it's almost swimsuit season! Now I will have to find a way to make my mu-mu look super special
If your fountain soda machine is self serve, I'm just going to assume I get unlimited refills.
I feel like I need two bank accounts. One for the sober, responsible me that pays bills and and buys organic food. And another for drunk me that tips 75% at the bar and orders pizza on-line.
You know, they put so many flashing lights on police vehicles nowadays that whenever I see one I start craving cotton candy and funnel cakes.
If you are what you eat, I'm dead meat.
All this eating is getting in the way of my disorder.
I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."
I hate when its quiet and your eating something crunchy.
Going to: ❒ Paris ❒ New York ❒ London ✔ KITCHEN, Im hungry
Just finished my 6 minute upper body workout-it was pretty easy:arm down,pick up food,arm up,put food in mouth, switch arms :)
Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
Might buy a junkyard just to grow my own junk food.
What`s worse than finding a worm in the apple you just took a bite from?? . . ~ Finding only half of the worm!!
When you`re stressed you eat ice cream, cake, chocolate, and sweets.. Why? Because `Stressed` spelled backwards is `Desserts` :)
They say butterflies taste with their feet. What are your thoughts on this?
I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
Never make eye contact while eating a banana.
will not be responsible for her actions if she doesn’t get some chocolate soon
I havent put weight on, my clothes have shrunk :)
Note to vegetarians: My food poops on your food. Enjoy that salad!
is now on two diets...because he was still hungry after just one.
I always take life with a grain of salt, ...plus a slice of lemon, ...and a shot of tequila.
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems...but then again, neither does milk.
Drink coffee! Do stupid things faster with more energy!
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals. I am a vegetarian because I hate plants.
Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Ham and Eggs: A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.
Men are like a fine wine. They start out as grapes, and it's up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.
Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
Eat drink and be merry, for tomorrow they may make it illegal.
The four food groups: Fast, Frozen, Instant, and Chocolate.
Screw you recommended serving size. You don`t know me.
# Dinner guests coming over later and I got nothing. Does anyone know how to turn beef jerky back into steaks?
When I hear myself eating crunchy food, I wonder if other people can hear it too.
You can`t buy happiness.but you can buy ice cream,which is kinda the same thing (;
Dear Fridge, I will be back in 35 minutes, please go shopping. Sincerely, Hungry
What is a commitee? It is a group of the unwilling, picked from the unfit, to do the unnecessary.
Sweet and sour chicken; how can it be both? Come on...let's get real, China.
Dear whoever decides when breakfast is over at McDonald's, F*CK YOU.
"After five guys I feel like a bad person," doesn't sound right even though I'm referring to a cheeseburger with fries.
I wonder how we know to eat eggs,did someone say"see that chicken over there, Im going eat the 1st thing that comes outta its butt"
Just say no to popcorn flavored jelly beans.
The food pyramid tastes better turned upside down.
Only in America would they name a State after a bucket of fried chicken.
Eating a gas station hot dog counts as a suicide attempt.
I'm so glad McDonalds doesn't sell Hot Dogs...can't imagine ordering a "McWeiner" and don't get me started on "super size"
Whenever I'm depressed I like to cut myself... a nice big piece of cake.
Remembers back when Blackberry's and Apple's were still just fruit..
What do people in China call their good dishes?
A Short Description about youself
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