Animal Facebook Status sms massages

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Luposlipaphobia - fear of being pursued by timber wolves around a kitchen table while wearing socks on a newly waxed floor

I'm not a biologist but I'm pretty sure the difference between a moth and a butterfly is that a moth is really ugly.

I love sleep so much, it's the first thing I want to do when I wake up

Why do they try to make pet food in TV commercials look good to humans?

What do i do when i see the most beautiful person in the world..? I smile, I stare...... Then, I put the mirror down..

If ants are so busy, why do they go to so many picnics?

Read each sentence:This is this cat. This is is cat.This is how cat. This is to cat. This is keep cat. This is a cat. This is retard cat. This is busy cat. This is for cat. This is 40 cat. This is seconds cat. Now read every third word in each sentence :)

Why is there a show called "When animals attack"? It should be called "When stupid people go near dangerous animals."

thinks that wishing your pets could talk is fun until you remember everything you've ever done in front of your pets.

Don't forget, every hand you shake has recently wiped an ass.

I love dogs, that's why I consider poodles cats.

Thanks confirmation email telling me I've successfully unsubscribed from your emails

My tummy just growled so loud the dog barked at it.

Angry Birds pisses me off

What has four legs and an arm? A happy pit bull.

Fun fact: Fireflies are not actually flies, they're beetles. Also, most of them are not on fire.

seriously wants a pink cow... someone holla if u get one that needs to be adopted

I'm homophobic, but only in the way that I'm arachnophobic. I have nothing against homosexuals or spiders, but I'd still scream if I found one in my bathtub.

Have you ever tried breathing out of your mouth and nose at the same time? Are you trying it now?

Back in my day animals were crackers not rubber bands.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Did you know that dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Whoever coined the phrase "Quiet as a mouse" has never stepped on one.

Dogs have masters. Cats have staff.

Life's like a bird, it's pretty cute until it shits on your head.

Only dead fish go with the flow.

When someone rings the doorbell, why do dogs always assume it's for them?

Unless you're the lead dog, the view never changes.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

Hippopotomonstrosesquippedaliophobia: Fear of long words.

They call it "pms" because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

He was as lame as a duck. Not the metaphorical lame duck, either, but a real duck that was actually lame, maybe from stepping on a land mine or something.

Grumpy old man: "You need to pick up after your dog." Me: "It's pee! If you want to grab a straw and suck it up, be my guest."

I wish I could get as excited about anything as the dog does about going for a ride.

This guy has worse breath than my dog, and my dog can reach around and lick his own ass.

The next bench I find is gettin some ass.

is wishing life came with a "how to" guide!

A study of 130 koalas in captivity found 15 cases of straight koala sex and 43 cases of gay koala sex among lady koalas only

why can't the Dolphins play as good as I play with them on Madden?

I never understood why the Lions and Cowboys always get to play on Thanksgiving. Shouldn't the Patriots play the Redskins, and then steal their stadium afterwords?

Big cats can be dangerous, but a little pussy never hurt anybody.

When I'm feeling down, I like to whistle. It makes the neighbor's dog that barks all the time run to the end of his chain and gag himself.

The winner of the rat race is still a rat.

By Unknown