If you do a job too well, you will get stuck with it.
It's not how good your work is, it's how well you explain it.
Do you want to speak to the manager or someone who know's what's going on?
Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.
No one ever gives me a hand, but I often get a finger.
I keep forgetting the “o” part of “Hello.” My boss is NOT happy with the way I’ve been answering his phone.
The difference between my boss and the pop? The pope only expects me to kiss his ring.
A psychiatrist is a highly paid baggage handler.
Archeologist: someone whose carreer lies in ruins.
Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories (per hr)
Less day, More hump...
Making up fake resumes for my coworkers and submitting them for shitty jobs.
Anyone who thinks unemployment benefits keep people from looking for work isn't living on unemployment benefits.
If you no longer know what day of the week it is, it's time to get a job.
I would never tell someone how to do their job but I don't think each of the 78 items I purchased at the grocery store needed their own bag
Maybe things would improve if we shipped Congress's jobs overseas too.
No officer, my speech isn't slurred. I'm just talking in cursive.
There are two types of people in the world: those who know how to handle stress and those who need bail money.
My idea of a high stress job is one where you work with other people.
The phrase “I need to talk to you” has the ability to strike fear into the heart of anyone.
When in doubt, mumble.
Responsible. Who wants to be responsible? Whenever anything bad happens, it’s always “Who’s responsible for this?”
All the people you meet on the way up, you'll meet on the way back down.
The subject line starts “Fwd: Re: Fwd: RE: RE: Re: “, so there’s no way this isn’t a complete waste of time.
I’m on hold. My call is important to them.
It’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you lay the blame.
It’s the little things in life that count. Like my salary.
If boredom were a career, I'd be at the top of my field!
I'm either going to do a bank job, or get a job at a bank; but one of those must happen if I'm going to survive this economy!
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody's there to appreciate it.
Don't steal. That's the government's job.
If I worked at a restaurant on Valentine's Day I would put a fake engagement ring in every girl's drink.
If you ever get caught sleeping on the job... slowly raise your head and say "in jesus name amen"
I'm playing that game where the floor is made of lava, so I obviously can't get off the couch or I'll die.
From now on I will be doing my laundry while nude. This way when I'm done, I will truly be finished washing all of my clothes.
Scientists have yet to explain how 300 people can be working at a Wal-Mart but only 4 registers will be open.
Do not argue with an idiot. He will drag you down to his level and beat you with experience.
A bus station is where a bus stops. A train station is where a train stops. On my desk, I have a work station..
I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.
Worrying works! 90% of the things I worry about never happen.
The trouble with doing something right the first time is that nobody appreciates how difficult it was.
Some people say I’m a dreamer, others say, “If you fall asleep at work again we’re going to have to let you go.
I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours.
Experience is what you get when you didn't get what you wanted.
Why do people keep running over a string a dozen times with their vacuum cleaner, then reach down, pick it up, examine it, then put it down to give their vacuum one more chance?
You never know when it will strike, but there comes a moment at work when you've made up your mind that you just aren’t doing anything productive for the rest of the day.
If you have a shitty job, you probably shouldn't lick your fingers at lunch time.
The most ineffective workers are systematically moved to the place where they can do the least damage: Management.
I always try to go the extra mile at work, but my boss always finds me and brings me back.
A Short Description about youself
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